


When Your Heart's Not In It

by VampireHydeFTW



Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 01:20:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12972573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampireHydeFTW/pseuds/VampireHydeFTW
Summary: Growing up in a mercenary school taught Irvine to be tough, to fight his own way through life and how to shoot a gun with perfect aim, but the things it didn't teach him all seemed to revolve around the feelings in his heart. Feelings that the man named Laguna forces him to acknowledge.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Final Fantasy is one of the first universes I began writing in, and how I was introduced to Yaoi. This story was written awhile back as a reminder of my past.

            He was on a train, again, reading his favourite magazine, again, with the same friends, again. What was it about his life that meant all he did was walk and fight monsters, until he could handle no more? Only to then take a train, until he longed for the monsters just for an escape from this new monotony? Why the hell had he even become a SeeD?

            It was a question Irvine had been asking himself again and again, ever since his failed assassination attempt and though his friends were beginning to understand why he couldn't pull the trigger, he wasn't so sure he could accept their support. He had trained his whole life for that one moment and he had failed. What good was he as a SeeD? He was just a glorified monster hunter who happened to hang around SeeD's who knew what they were doing and weren't afraid to take action when it counted. They were all trained and perfected at what they did, all the idea of a perfect warrior in their own way. All off them except Rinoa but that was only because she wasn't a SeeD in the first place.

            “Pouting again?” Rinoa teased in a sing song voice, as she entered his room grabbing his magazine from his hands and giggling at the contents. “Well I’d be pouting too if I looked as bad as she did naked.”

            “Give that back!” Irvine complained, not for the first time grateful of his long coat, that now sat over his lap hiding what he really didn't want his friend to see.

            “These women are so fake.” Rinoa complained as she flipped through the magazine unimpressed. “They don't even look like real women.”

            “Well perhaps you could show me one?” Irvine joked, unable to stop himself from flirting even though he kind of knew she had something going on with Squall.

            “Perhaps I should.” Rinoa agreed, startling Irvine who had expected to be called a pervert and have his magazine thrown right back at him.

            “Rinoa?” Irvine asked as he watched his friend strip down to her underwear, matching of course, with tiny blue flowers on a cream background and sky-blue lace around the edges. Innocent but sexy at the same time he couldn't help but stare as Rinoa walked over and placed herself in his lap, wearing a flirtatious smile. Smiling back Irvine rested his hands on her lower back, holding her up as she kissed him, making him feel like the luckiest man in the world. Perhaps he had been wrong about Rinoa liking Squall? Maybe she was just trying to get their quiet leader to open up, join in, have some fun while he was still young. Maybe Rinoa was only teasing when she turned down what she called his lame chat up lines.

            “You're such a bad boy. I can feel you hard for me already.” Rinoa teased, pressing her breasts against Irvine's chest.

            “Well that was for the woman you deemed unattractive and fake, which looking at you now I know is true.” Irvine admitted not liking to lead his friend on but smart enough to know that compliments were necessary after such a confession.

            “She won't finish the job either,” Rinoa replied, slipping off Irvine's knee to crouch between his legs quickly pulling away the coat and finding Irvine's erection already exposed. With a naughty smile she bent down to take it in her mouth, watching his reaction as she playfully licked and sucked, her innocent appearance conflicting with her rather naughty actions. Irvine found the contrast sexier than anything he had ever fantasied and with a happy moan he shut his eyes and let Rinoa pleasure him like he had never been pleasured before.

            It could have been seconds or it could have been hours, as Irvine had lost all track of time, but what mattered was he was now coming harder than even he knew was possible. With a groan he reached down and was about to help Rinoa up when he felt a large hand resting on his thigh.

            “I never knew you had such...” He began before staring down at Squall, who was looking up at him pleased. His tongue shot out licking away Irvine's release and the sharpshooter felt panic well inside him. How could this be? The best blow-job of his life and it had come from a man!

 

            Waking up in a cold sweat, Irvine tried to settle his racing heartbeat, relieved that it had been a dream. Of course it had! Rinoa didn't just magically turn into Squall half way through anything! Groaning out loud, as he realised he was hard, Irvine pulled himself out of bed and went to shower needing to fix his little problem as well as wash away all the sweat he had worked up from his nightmare.

            By the time he had finished it was just after six and sure somewhere must be open in the large city of Esthar he left to explore. Anything to make him forget his dream would be good, especially the love of a cool young city girl. It was bad enough he'd had a dream about Rinoa who he considered his friend and almost like a sister but Squall as well? Squall wasn't even a girl!

            “I suppose he does have rather delicate features.” Irvine mused as he wandered down the quiet streets. “And he is kind of handsome, if I was a woman I’d certainly flirt with him. It's no wonder Rinoa likes him really.”

            Shaking such thoughts out of his head, Irvine headed over to a coffee shop that was actually open, the joys of city living, and ordered himself a large drink to pass the time, taking a seat in the corner where he could stare out of the window lost in his thoughts.

            Several girls passed by on an early morning jog and like the pervert he could be Irvine stared at their breasts as they passed, smiling to himself. Of course he didn't have feelings for Squall! He was Galbadia Garden's ladies’ man! Every speed dial number in his phone was a woman's and almost all his friends were of the female variety. In fact, when it came down to it, the closest male friends he had were Squall and Zell.

            “Maybe I’ve just enjoyed having male company for once?” Irvine thought liking that idea. Perhaps his inability to really connect with men had left a hole in his social life, one that Squall in particular was helping to fill. “A nice masculine presence in my women filled life.”

            Another woman passed, a little older than himself, walking her dog and Irvine waved as she passed, getting a smile in return. He needed a woman in his life. A nice one like the one who had just passed and determined to get one he left his almost finished coffee and hurried after her.

            “Hey, I'm Irvine.” He greeted himself.

            “Melissa,” She replied. “And this here is Jake.”

            “Hey Jake.” Irvine greeted the dog, who ignored him entirely. “So, do you believe in love at first sight or do you think I should walk past again?”

            “I walked past you.” Melissa pointed out.

            “Yeah but...” Irvine tried. “You know you were checking me out.”

            “No. You were checking me out. You're far too young for me.” Melissa scolded, hurrying her pace. Knowing what would happen if he continued to flirt with her Irvine slowed his pace and let her go, his eyes already fixing on a woman in running gear who was standing by a fence drinking from her water bottle.

            “I see you've been running through my mind all night long.” Irvine tried, getting a disgusted look for his trouble. Today just wasn't his day and so he was almost unsurprised when Esthar's biggest idiot appeared from around the corner.

            “Seriously, if those are your chat up lines then you must never want to get laid.” The city's president scolded.

            “Don't you think you should have security with you Laguna?” Irvine asked, deliberately using the president’s given name to show off his complete lack of respect.

            “I have Galbadia's finest lady killer, don't I?” Laguna teased. “And by that, I mean you kill all affection they could ever feel for you within a second of meeting them.”

            “Like you could do better,” Irvine scolded. “You're nothing but an old man!”

            “Old?” Laguna asked horrified. “I'll have you know I'm the young side of 50 with a good few years left before anyone is allowed to even think such things.”

            “That doesn't answer my question.” Irvine scolded not sure what it was about the president that got under his skin but knowing there was nobody like President Laguna Loire to get him so irritated.

            “I'm the President, I'm sure I could have any lady I wished but I don't wish.” Laguna informed Irvine with a teasing smile before he began to walk away. Cursing Irvine knew he should protect the man from harm, despite having no orders to do so.

            “Hey wait! I need to protect you!” Irvine called out, hurrying up to match Laguna's brisk pace.

            “Sure, if you like,” Laguna replied easily. “Though I used to be a solider you know.”

            “A soldier?” Irvine asked sceptically. Who let this clown join an army?

            “My men called me hopeless, I wasn't but I didn't enjoy the job. I had the sense to quit eventually. To follow my dream.” Laguna explained, giving Irvine a look that made it clear he thought the SeeD needed to think about doing the same.

            “Well that's good,” Irvine decided. “Brave in a way, to risk it all on a dream.”

            “Well I am a dreamer.” Laguna explained, laughing.

            “You said before you didn't want a woman?” Irvine asked, still confused by the statement.

            “That took me even longer to figure out,” Laguna explained taking a seat on a bench and letting Irvine join him before he began to explain. “My very first crush was a woman named Julia.”

            “Childhood loves are always sweet.” Irvine commented with a soft smile playing over his lips.

            “Childhood? I was 27!” Laguna exclaimed. “I'd dated women before but she was the first woman I thought I loved. I was in such a state just trying to talk to her, when I get nervous my legs can cramp up, so I was limping to get to her and she was so nice. So kind. I thought she was special, destined to be mine.”  

            “And?” Irvine asked.

            “That's it. Nothing happened,” Laguna replied. “Then there was a woman named Raine, who I tried to love for so long but that didn't work out either. You want to know why?”

            “Because you're an idiot?” Irvine joked, trying to take the sting out of his words though he was convinced Laguna's romantic failings were all his own fault. 

            “Because I can never love a woman like that. It's not who I am,” Laguna corrected. “I tried to be a solider, I pretended well but I never was soldier material. I tried to be straight but it failed because I never was anything other than gay. It took me far too long to realise the first and even longer to realise the second. Now, that's because I'm an idiot. I think you should think about things while you’re still young. Before you become an almost old fool like me.”

            “What do you mean by that?” Irvine demanded, on the verge of anger. “I'm a well-respected SeeD, who can have all the women I wish!”

            “I don't see the killer in you,” Laguna commented. “I might be wrong but that's just how I feel. When I look at you, I see a reflection of myself.”

            “I'm not gay!” Irvine got out, only just keeping his voice down.

            “Really? Then why is it you keep using chat up lines you must know will fail? You give some lame line and they get angry and you know to let them walk away, which suggests you knew they never would have liked your come on in the first place.” Laguna pointed out.

            “I am not in love with him,” Irvine hissed, getting up and walking away, before sighing and coming back. “Do you want me to wait for your security to get here, or should I escort you back myself?”

            “I'm sorry I angered you. It wasn't my intention.” Laguna apologised and against his better judgement Irvine sat back down, sulking quietly to himself before he realised maybe Laguna was the right man to share some of his worries with.

            “I suppose I'm so worked up because I think you might be right,” Irvine admitted. “As hard as I have tried to be a SeeD, I think I’ve failed. I have perfect aim, I can kill any monster out there no problems, but when it comes to people…”

            “Killing a person is never easy.” Laguna commented sympathetically.

            “It's not. But everyone’s hopes were so high on me to do it. But I couldn't and then the woman I was supposed to kill? She was a lovely lady really, which makes me wonder how I can ever kill anyone in cold blood at all. If I'm asked to assassinate someone, I know I’ll freeze when it comes to pulling the trigger. I’ll always remember how good I felt when I realised I had failed to kill an innocent woman.”

 

            It was late morning when Irvine returned, feeling a lot more relaxed than when he had left. He made his excuses to his friends about having to protect the president and went to collect his things, knowing that what he and Laguna had discussed really was a weight off his mind. He needed to quit SeeD. Not now, in a middle of a mission, he wasn't that selfish but when it was all over he would stop and decide what it was he really wanted to do with his life. What good was he as a marksman when he couldn't pull the trigger? He was useless. Skill and ability weren't always interlinked. Happiness must always come first, or else your heart would never be in it.

            It was just his luck to find Squall's plan was to go and question the president again and for a moment he felt disheartened by the idea, only to realise that his view of Laguna had changed. He liked the man, there he’d admitted it, not only that he respected the old fool. There was logic in his 'put your heart first' attitude to life, there was something deeply intelligent about the way he approached every situation with a smile. He couldn't be further away from a SeeD in personality but maybe that was a good thing?

            “Why are you staring at me?” Squall suddenly spoke up, interrupting the flow of conversation to question his friend.

            “I didn't realise I was,” Irvine apologised. “I was thinking about what Laguna said to me this morning.”

            “Whatever.” Squall replied his tone impossible to read.

            “Seriously, I'm sorry,” Irvine apologised. “It must be because you kind of look like him.”

            “I look nothing like him!” Squall exclaimed, stunned by the accussation.

            “You kind of do,” Irvine argued but this time the 'whatever' he got in response was obviously Squall in a mood. With a sigh he carried on. “It's not an insult. I don't think Laguna is bad looking at all. He's kind of handsome when you think about it.”

            “He's an idiot.” Squall muttered.

            “He just appears to be one at first.” Irvine argued.

            “Are you saying Squall appears to be an idiot?” Rinoa spoke up, once again taking on their leader’s argument for him.

            “No what I mean is... they look similar, like they could be related or something. I didn't want it to cause an argument.” Irvine explained.

            “They kind of do look alike,” Zell spoke up. “Sorry Squall but it's true.”

            “Whatever.” Came the expected answer as Squall hurried ahead, Rinoa walking loyally by his side.

 

            They had been discussing strategies all morning and weren't getting anywhere. Squall had been in a mood all morning, glaring at Laguna as if it was his fault they looked alike and the atmosphere among them had gone rather tense.

            “Let's break for lunch.” Quistis suggested, a suggestion that went down well. Getting up to leave they hurried out, leaving Irvine behind to watch Laguna try and limp to the door.

            “You alright?” Irvine asked, as he hurried to help support Laguna, who looked surprised at the SeeD's willingness to help before smiling.

            “Nerves,” Laguna admitted. “If Ultimicia isn't enough of an enemy I have Squall after my neck. I'm not imagining that, am I?”

            “He's mad at me for suggesting you two look alike,” Irvine explained. “He doesn't know you yet, so he probably just thinks you're an idiot and therefore thinks I called him an idiot. Or something, it's hard to tell what Squall is thinking.”

            “He's spent his life learning to be a cold detached mercenary and, now it seems he's achieved his goal, his friends mock him for being cold and detached,” Laguna pointed out. “The perfect SeeD was never meant to be human. Never meant to love, or smile. On the surface he might seem as stoic as the Garden's trained him but underneath he's filled with all sorts of conflicting emotions. He's as scared as you are but instead of hiding it behind a carefree attitude, he hides it behind a stone wall.”

            “You're the first person to see my weaknesses so fast,” Irvine commented. “And now you say Squall has them too? The very same conflict between what you were taught and what you feel?”

            “I could be reading too much into things,” Laguna admitted. “I'm not a huge fan of the military lifestyle after my experiences in the army but I can't help but think the only SeeD among you who is well adjusted is Quistis. She strives for perfection and beating her own personal records to become the best. Zell continues to be a child at heart because growing up is just too scary for him. Like I said, the conflict between heart and duty is never an easy burden.”

            “Maybe,” Irvine commented. “Your leg seems better at least.”

            “You're very calming,” Laguna admitted, a little reluctant to let Irvine go so he could walk for himself. “Which is why, if you like, you could come eat with me in my study? I really don't feel like eating lunch with your friend glaring at me.”

            “I'll eat with you,” Irvine agreed, feeling rather pleased to be asked. “And you don't need to worry about Squall, I promised you this morning, you had nothing to fear when I was around.”

            “That's true,” Laguna agreed, opening a door and leading Irvine in, informing a maid who was waiting to bring enough food for two. “I'll hold you on that word.”


	2. Chapter 2

            “Well it's not a train,” Irvine commented, as he stared at the spaceship Squall had just retrieved from space. “That gives it a big thumbs up from me.”

            “It's awesome!” Zell declared, staring in awe at the huge ship, unable to believe such a vessel could exist.

            “Let's take her for a test flight!” Laguna suggested, excited as he led the way inside, Irvine followed close beside him, glancing around the ship with admiration. He and Laguna had been getting on really well over the last few days they had spent together and Irvine was slowly beginning to suspect that Laguna was a genius who could read a man's soul just by looking into his eyes. He was finally able to admit that he might be gay, largely thanks to the huge crush he had developed for the older man.

            “Do you think it's wise for Laguna to pilot?” Quistis commented, as the president took the pilot’s seat.

            “I know what I'm doing!” Laguna complained. “Don't you trust me?”

            “What do you know about space flight?” Quistis asked.

            “That it's in space. It'll be easy.” Laguna replied, happily pushing forward a leaver that did nothing at all.

            “That's the gear shift between space and terrestrial flight,” Squall explained, slipping into the co-pilot’s seat and patiently pointing out the different controls to Laguna, at least the ones he had figured out whilst getting the ship back to earth. It was probably the most Squall had ever said to Laguna at once but what was really surprising was the way Laguna seemed to take in everything he was saying, as if it came naturally to him.

            “OK buckle up! We're going to fly!” Laguna called out happily, as he began to fire up the engines. Rushing to their seats, nobody trusted his ability to fly this thing, and fastening seatbelts they all looked at each other with varying combinations of fear and excitement. Take off was an exhilarating rush and soon the ship was hurtling over the planet at just over 600 miles an hour, a little faster than your standard plane but feeling a lot scarier as they flew so low.

            “I think you’re right,” Rinoa commented, having found herself in the seat besides Irvine. “Squall and Laguna do look kind of similar. Just look at them getting along. I never thought that could be possible.”

            “Like father and son.” Irvine agreed.

            “Just don't let Squall here that,” Rinoa warned. “He still thinks Laguna is an idiot. He won't say so out loud but I know he does.”

            “I think if anything is going to change his mind, it will be this flight.” Irvine commented. “Maybe he'll see the quick mind hiding behind the lovable fool.”

            “You really like Laguna, don't you?” Rinoa asked.

            “I do,” Irvine agreed. “He's made a lot of mistakes in his life, following his brain instead of his heart but he's learnt from them and I think I'm learning from his mistake too.”

            “What do you mean?” Rinoa asked curious.

            “Well for a start, I'm not SeeD material.” Irvine explained.

            “Because of Edea?” Rinoa asked. “You need to stop beating yourself up over that.”

            “No not Edea, OK a little bit Edea.” Irvine confessed. “But really the problems always been there. My heart isn't in it.”

            “But you're one of the best marksmen out there!” Rinoa exclaimed. “Don't tell me you got there, when you didn't enjoy firing your gun.”

            “No. I love my weapon,” Irvine admitted. “I love getting perfect bulls eyes and shooting every clay pigeon that the machine can throw at me. I love the attention it gets and the reputation I have around the gardens. I love looking a monster in the eyes and thinking 'I can take you down, easy'. But that's just it. That's all I love. I don't love being a SeeD, I don't have any passion for the cause. No drive. Even now when we need to take out Ultimicia, I'm only doing so because I know I have too. That it's my duty but after this, I'm through. I need to find my true calling and go for it with all the passion I’ve neglected over these years.”

            “Wow,” Rinoa got out, for once speechless. “Can a SeeD even quit? I thought it was a lifetime thing?”

            “Then I’ll run away and hide,” Irvine declared. “Or perhaps they'll let me be a part time trainer? I don't know what I’ll do yet, only what I won't. I'll never ignore my heart again, it only leads you away from happiness.”

            “Away from happiness,” Rinoa repeated. “I wouldn't know about that. If I want something I always go for it, I’ve never ignored my heart.”

            “And you're happy?” Irvine asked.

            “I suppose I am,” Rinoa admitted. “No matter how hard my life can be, on the whole I'm happy. It's the company I keep. That's what I think.”

            “Maybe it's a combination of both?” Irvine suggested, surprised to see Laguna heading past him and into the depths of the space ship leaving Squall as the solo pilot.

            “Mind if I go to the front to be with Squall?” Rinoa asked. “Someone needs to be there and I kind of know how to fly this thing.”

            “Go, I'm going to see what Laguna is doing anyway,” Irvine reassured her, undoing his seat belt as he left to find the man who seemed to have the answer to all of his problems.

 

            Laguna was stood by a window, staring out at the scenery that had just passed. He barely paid Irvine's appearance any attention, as he stood staring out with a peaceful expression.

            “Laguna? I thought you wanted to fly this thing,” Irvine pried, curious to the sudden change.

            “I did and it was fun,” Laguna agreed. “But rather scary too, the trees kept reaching up like hands trying to attack me.”

            “You could have flown higher.” Irvine pointed out.

            “But the safe path is boring. Life shouldn't be easy,” Laguna argued. “Life should be full of adventure and fun, it should make you want to cling to your seat at times and scream in exhilaration at others. The safe path isn't what my heart enjoys.”

            “And I thought you were just a thrill seeker.” Irvine joked.

            “Look, out there, at the things we've passed. Doesn't it look so peaceful this way? The monsters stop being scary and eventually we forget they were even there. Life is always nice to look back on sometimes.” Laguna replied. “You might see your mistakes, marks on the landscape but they're tiny in comparison to how much you didn't mess up.”

            “Laguna, are you getting philosophical on me again?” Irvine teased.

            “Always,” Laguna replied, with a grin as he finally turned to face Irvine. “But I think on this problem I’ve helped you enough. It's about time we both focused on the other part of your soul you've been starving.”

            “What?” Irvine repeated, totally confused and then totally stunned as Laguna kissed him. Shocked he stepped away, reaching up to touch his lips as he stared at Laguna's friendly smile. “Why did you do that?”

            “Because you wanted it, didn't you?” Laguna asked.

            “I don't know,” Irvine muttered, too taken aback to think. “I need to go back, before they wonder where we are.”

            “Irvine!” Laguna complained as the young man turned to run, silently cursing himself for moving to fast. He could tell Irvine liked him but he should have known better than to make the young man face this realisation before he was ready.

 

            Irvine was beyond stunned that Laguna had kissed him and, unable to face his friends just yet, he found a bedroom and locked himself in, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at his reflection in the mirror as he thought.

            He had to admit Laguna was right, he had wanted to kiss him but it was something he fantasised about, not something he thought could actually happen. Laguna was so much older than he was, so much wiser and more experienced. He was nothing but a young fool that had realised just in time how stupid he had been and was able to avoid walking down the wrong path.

            With a reluctant sigh he eventually returned to the cockpit, relieved to find this trip was now coming to an end. Squall wasn't too far from Esthar and he didn't have too much longer until he could make his excuses and disappear into his hotel room.

            He'd thought he'd actually got away with it as the ship landed and his friends let him go back alone but then Laguna was there, walking silently until they were far enough away from the ship to talk without being overheard.

            “I'm sorry. I was too forward. You needed more time.” Laguna apologised.

            “Time isn't going to help Laguna,” Irvine complained. “Can't you see that you're too old for me, no matter how we might feel?”

            “There is an age gap,” Laguna admitted. “But that doesn't stop me liking you.”

            “It doesn't stop me liking you either,” Irvine admitted. “Or that you're a man. I really do like you Laguna, don't get the wrong idea from before, but I can't see this ending happily.”

            “Are you ignoring my teachings?” Laguna complained. “I'm disappointed. My very first lesson forgotten.”

            “Heart over logic,” Irvine replied. “It's not so easy you know. It's called logic for a reason.”

            “Many will think you're a fool but what does it matter when you're happy?” Laguna asked.

            “I suppose,” Irvine agreed. “But I know you're just tricking me into agreeing with you.”

            “Would it be so bad if we did end up together?” Laguna questioned. “Would it be so terrible for your first time with a man to be with someone who knows what they're doing? To be the boy toy of a president? That's what people will see you as you know, we can't help that but I’ll always respect you.”

            “I keep forgetting you're the president here. It just seems so surreal that a man like you could be in charge,” Irvine admitted. “But perhaps it's your undeniable logic and passion that has won the people’s hearts? Won my heart.”

            “I have your heart but not your kiss?” Laguna teased.

            “Until I met you I never even considered I could be gay, now I'm sure I am but that doesn't mean I know what my heart wants.” Irvine complained.

            “It's a lot easier to know what you don't want, than what you do,” Laguna agreed. “Shall I leave you to think now?”

            “When I think alone I only end up more confused. Would you like to stay with me so we can talk?” Irvine suggested. “About anything and everything, just not about us. I'm sure my heart will figure out what it wants when around you.”

 

            Hours passed like minutes in Laguna's company and it was only an urgent phone call that called the president away in the end. Reluctant to go, Laguna was clearly stalling for time and Irvine, feeling rather daring, decided to delay things even further. With a swift strike his lips were on Laguna's for the second time that day. Unlike the first kiss this wasn't awkward and didn't feel wrong in the slightest. Eagerly Laguna kissed him back placing a hand on Irvine's lower back pulling him closer until they were pressing together, kissing until they pulled away gasping for air. With an uncharacteristic shy smile Irvine lay his head against Laguna's shoulder and was just about to make his confession when Laguna's phone rang a second time.

            “I really should go,” Laguna admitted as he answered the call from his annoyed assistant, who seemed to know he hadn't made a move to deal with the situation. From what Irvine could hear it sounded like Laguna did this kind of thing a lot, which didn't really surprise him.

            “I'll be there soon,” Laguna reassured her. “I'm on my way. Bye!”

            “I think you really should go this time.” Irvine commented, as Laguna put away his phone and tried to kiss him again.

            “My heart...” Laguna began.

            “You're still following it when you delay things for duty,” Irvine scolded. “As much as I like your philosophy on life, you seem to use it as an excuse to get out of things you don't want to do.”

            “But you're so pretty and I finally get to really kiss you,” Laguna complained. “It's your fault I’ve not left already.”

            “I'm not going to disappear just because you go, although Squall is keen on setting out early tomorrow morning. I kind of want to see you before we go, just in case I can't come back.” Irvine replied, suddenly feeling rather sad, there was no guarantee he would survive the upcoming battle and be able to come back here.

            “See, you could disappear,” Laguna whispered, losing his almost permanent smile.

            “Will you come back tonight?” Irvine almost begged.

            “As soon as I get away, I'll be here.” Laguna promised, kissing Irvine once more before he headed for the door.

            “Laguna, I know it's fast, scarily so, but I have to ask, will you make tonight special for me? I don't want to die without ever really exploring my sexuality.” Irvine explained.

            “Irvine, you're not ready...” Laguna began but Irvine wouldn't accept excuses, not with his life so precariously close to over.

            “If not tonight then it could be never,” Irvine explained. “Please Laguna, it doesn't have to be special or anything because to me it will be. A cherished memory and perhaps something to give me the will to fight on, the extra moral boost I need to survive.”

            “Well, if you put it like that how can I refuse?” Laguna asked, groaning as his phone rang once more.

            “Go.” Irvine ordered and this time Laguna really did leave.

 

            The most frustrating thing about urgent business was the fact that it was urgent and could often take hours to sort out. Today's business was in fact one of those meetings where he was sat in office for days. Not literal days, time passed at a different speed when you were bored, but it felt that way and so when Laguna finished just over an hour later, one of the quickest meetings he had ever had, he swore it had been the longest.

            Rather hurried, as he feared Irvine might change his mind if he delayed, Laguna found a taxi and went straight back to the hotel, managing to get to Irvine's room without being noticed. Knocking carefully, he felt his leg begin to cramp up. Started he leant against the wall beyond stunned that he could feel nervous about sleeping with Irvine, he was hardly his first and it really wasn't like him to get leg cramps when sleeping with men. Women yes, but that was kind of a warning system, letting him know that he really didn't want too.

            “Back already?” Irvine asked, surprised before noticing something was wrong. “Don't tell me it's your leg again!”

            “OK I won't.” Laguna replied, forcing his way into the room so Irvine could follow, clearly amused by the whole situation.

            “I should be the one who's nervous, not you.” He scolded, helping Laguna to the bed, sitting him down and placing his own hat on the president’s head with a cocky smile. He didn't feel as sure as himself as he was acting but unlike Laguna he didn't have a leg cramp problem that gave away how he felt.

            “No nerves at all?” Laguna teased but Irvine refused to answer that, slipping off his coat and revealing the complete lack of clothing beneath it. Pleased that the other was so impressed, he sat beside him on the bed, kissing eagerly and allowing himself to be laid down as Laguna re-found his inner peace. The kissing continued for a long time as they grew used to being together before Laguna began to slowly make his way down Irvine's body with a series of gentle kisses that ended up landing over his aroused length, making Irvine's body flutter in pleasure. The kisses continued as Irvine lay still, not knowing what to do but sure he was supposed to do nothing anyway. Laguna was older than him, wiser and he knew what he was doing. He was just the student been taught by the world’s sexiest teacher and Irvine felt so lucky to be here right now with the man who had changed his entire perspective on life.

            Laguna wrapped his mouth around Irvine's length, reaching into his pocket as he did so to retrieve the lube he had put there. Quietly coating his fingers, he had one inside the younger man before he was even aware anything had been going on.

            “Laguna!” He stammered, as his whole body tensed in shock. He'd never thought this could happen but now it all made sense, off course this was how gay men had sex!

            “Just relax, it'll be fine.” Laguna ordered, before returning his mouth to Irvine's length, pleasuring him eagerly as he waited for Irvine to relax so he could continue stretching him. After a minute or so he felt Irvine was ready and slowly began moving his finger in an imitation of what he planned to do later, pleased when the softest of moans began to escape Irvine's mouth. Just a whisper but enough to let Laguna know just how much he was enjoying this.

            Sliding a second finger beside the first Laguna carefully prepared Irvine, staring at the other’s naked form as if it was a piece of art. Irvine looked like he could have been carved or sculptured with his gentle curves and nicely defined muscle structure. Laguna admired him as he slid in a third finger, taking his time because he knew Irvine wasn't used to this and he wanted it to be special. Especially if this was his only time, no he wouldn't think like that. Irvine would survive his final battle and come back to follow his perfect future, hopefully one that contained him.

            Satisfied Irvine was ready, Laguna quickly undressed and encouraged Irvine to lube his length, enjoying the feeling of Irvine's contact and the proof that it wasn't just himself who was keen to do this.

            Sliding inside Irvine Laguna moved slowly, letting the other get used to the unfamiliar sensations before going for anything more vigorous. Beneath him Irvine was clutching the bedsheets as his face distorted with pleasure, every forward movement making him moan in pure delight. Gradually increasing his pace, it wasn't long before Laguna's moans joined his and together they began to move as if they had always been designed to be this way. Sex was always special but tonight Laguna couldn't help but believe it was more than anything he had experienced before, everything else had just been fun, this felt right.

 

            Curled in Laguna's arms, sore but satisfied, Irvine couldn't believe it had taken him this long to realise that emotion went before reason when it came to happiness. Laguna was right, if you didn't listen to your heart then you wouldn't get anywhere. It had been rather difficult for Irvine to truly embrace this teaching, so different to everything he had been taught at the Garden, so different to what he had believed. Still he was glad that Laguna had taught him this path because it had brought him to a place where he had always wanted to be. Cherished by someone he admired and with a future wide open to him, he could do anything, be anything, achieve anything just as soon as he figured out what he wanted. Just as long as he survived his final fight but how could he not when he had such a special man waiting for his return? When heart and logic agreed, that was when miracles could happen, when good overcame evil and made everything right in the world. Ultimicia would fall and he would live because he wouldn't let any other outcome happen. His heart was truly in this battle now and this time when it was time to pull the trigger, he would not falter or hesitate, this time he would win.


End file.
